Our "little" girl put on 110g during the night! What a fatty! She is now having 4ml every 4 hours and she's tolerated my milk really well so far! Her breathing continues as normal, nice and stable touch wood!
Got an hour cuddle last night and will have another cuddle late this afternoon. I have to go see the maternal fetal medicine team this afternoon so no doubt there'll be more tears. I had someone at the hospital who looked after Harvey a few months ago ask was I still pregnant? And I burst into tears. I can't remember feeling this sense of complete and utter failure after Harvey I was just so glad he was here and alive. This time I find it hard to even look at pictures taken the days before I had her because it makes me angry and upset. Sounds stupid probably I know, she's here and doing beautifully but this time I REALLY wanted it to be different. I had my hopes so pinned on getting a screaming baby on my chest that I could have in my room with little worry whether they would "live" and instead we have another NICU journey to ride along. My heart breaks for all those first time mums who are so, so scared as to what each day will bring, it brings back my feelings with Harvey every single day.
Speaking of Harvey he is loving 'working' with Daddy! Not so sure bouth the other way round though! They went driving today so it hopefully won't be as stressful as having him in the workshop. Dan is doing such an amazing job with him and the guilt of not being there to help eats me up. I know how I felt when I was alone for weeks with Harvey and you just want someone to share your day with and give you a break even for half an hour so you can fully tune-out and relax. He said "luv you" and kissed the phone again last night so as you can imagine the tears began to flow.
On a happy note my mum gets here tomorrow and if there's one person in the whole world that you want to be with at a time like this after your hubby and your kids it's your mum. I thank her so much for taking time off work to come and be with Miss Stella and I. She's such a supportive person who would do anything for Dan and I and I truly love and admire her for that!
Well, that's all the news for now,
Big hugs to all who are keeping up to date with our progress!
Love Lauren (and fatty Stella - who has been nicknamed Stella Bella by the nurses!) xoxo
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